Why can't my sports literature students be this creative?

From ESPN writer Bill Simmon's Mailbag column:

Q: I'm a senior in high school and was assigned a project in lit class to create my own university, which other students would then "apply" to. Both me and my partner for the project are fans of yours, and, remembering a podcast in which you discussed your dream of having a college named after you, decided on Bill Simmons University. We went back to the podcast and created it exactly to your specifications. We even put in your admissions requirement: female applicants just send pictures. We got a D on the assignment and a lecture from the teacher about sexism and taking the class seriously. Thanks, Bill Simmons.-- Brett, Portland, Ore.

SG: I don't even need to write it. And by the way, rarely if ever, has a reader e-mail made me this proud. The only way it would have been better is if you snapped at the teacher, "Shouldn't we have gotten a double-D?" Come to my Portland signing (Nov. 20), bring the paper and I will autograph the paper and give you a free book. Take that, uptight teacher who doesn't have a sense of humor.

I nearly woke up baby Calvin laughing at this.